To be materialistic, or not?

I think I'm getting sick sitting here watching "House Hunters". It's ridiculous the house that this couple just bought. No kids, just three dogs. It's over 5K sq ft! I mean, seriously! Just makes me sick. What's even worse is that half the time I want that type of house for myself! I fight with this quite a bit. I mean... I am BLESSED. Truly. I have a wonderful husband (most of the time) that REALLY loves me for me, and a beautiful baby boy that I simply adore. I have a beautiful house that is too big for me and little man, and drive a "luxury" SUV (it's the Volvo XC90), that I traded in my BMW X5 for, and can go out and buy whatever suits my fancy, really. What's sad is that I miss my Bimmer and Chris has promised me another in three years... I don't need another damn X5! What is wrong with me?? I used to be poor as dirt... literally... and didn't buy a piece of clothing over $10... now... I shop at BR and Ann Taylor and Nordstrom... ridiculous. I over pay for clothes that are probably sewn together by third world children! I'm even a food snob! Heaven forbid I shop at anywhere besides Publix, who is DEFINITELY over priced... even if they do take your groceries to the car and ask you how you are!

I mean... I'm charitable or whatever. I constantly give to the battered women's shelter b/c of my background, and am big on donating to children's charities, but I just can't seem to escape this constant need to have the next new thing. It all seems like a rat race. What's worse... I LIKE having the nice things! I WANT the nice name brand things! I think about this quite often. Do I do anything about it... not really. I still go out and buy more crap. I've been trying to find a better way to give back. I just have to find something that moves me and isn't just a fling. I do know that I want to help people, and let them know that you are never stuck in whatever situation you might currently feel as though you are stuck. I want to give people HOPE. Hope is huge for me. Not to sound like an after school special, but hope is what got me through my childhood. I've started the process of teaching in underprivileged schools in HI, but really, do they have "projects" in HI? We'll see... I've even considered mentoring to abused mothers and children to let them know that you can move past this and become successful... I am living proof.

I'm not trying to preach, or even change myself... I just decided to write out my thoughts that bulldozed from a couple on House Hunters. There are days where I think about trading in the SUV for a hybrid, joining the peace corp, and think of donating all my furniture... then a neighbor comes over with a new top, and it's on!